Situationship or an excuse?
What’s a situationship? The idea of wanting to be with someone but it being so far out of reach that it becomes complicated. It’s the outcome of one person not being ready for a relationship and the other person clinging onto whatever is left.
Situationships are not something I’m fond of, especially after the experience I’ve had lol! I’ve realised that having a soft spot for someone can make you lose all common sense. My situation started off from growing up with that person to having to decide just how much more I could take before it all got too much. As you can tell, there wasn’t much to fight for anymore. I’m a strong believer in what’s meant for you, won’t pass you however, I feel like I let that get the better of me and gave me false hope that I could ever change his mind. There are so many factors you have to explore about a person before you make any hard decisions and it’s never easy to cut someone off abruptly, especially when you have history. One thing I’ll never understand is why people play mind games, it’s not entertaining at all and it can confuse a situation that was perfectly set out in the first place. It’s hard enough when you hate the way they make you feel but the thought of not having them in your life suddenly is even worse.
Somebody can crave your attention but as soon as you learn to crave theirs, they don’t want to know you. It’s this whole big theatrical of the chase and not wanting to see you with anybody else, even if that means they string you along. You don’t speak for months and you know how much clearer your mind is, then they bother you and you feel like you’re back at square one again. I can’t complain, I leave myself open to his lies every time, even when I know I’m just a pawn in his game and only ever good enough for physical pleasures, To any girls out there who are sticking around for a boy who consistently says his not ready for a relationship, please go off and find someone who can give you what you want and at his best efforts. If it was ever going to be you, they would do anything in their power to not lose you. A big thing I struggled with, especially with being so on and off with a person is that it will always appear one sided. If only you could be a fly on the wall in our conversations, you wouldn’t think the same way. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve looked a complete fool for keeping myself away just for that person to be with everyone but me.
Situationships are not relationships. If that isn’t a red flag in itself, I don’t know lol! When you have feelings for someone, you tend to become blind to everything around you, whether that be a rumour or a conversation, you are bound to miss it. Sometimes you do it purposefully because It’s easier to act like you’re oblivious to it than have to feel all of those emotions at once. With me being a hopeless romantic, I‘ve always wanted a soppy movie type of romance lol! Unrealistic I know but a girl can dream :) I hate the way this makes me so forgiving because yes, I can forgive you but a little part of me will always despise the person you were when you made those decisions because you didn’t once think about me. Being in a situationship is like a never ending talking stage with all the dramas and the constant blocking. It’s like you always try to one up each other but what good will that do for either of you? Life wasn’t created to be a competition, that’s where you have to draw the line.
My situation never really came to a halt, I don’t think I even let him know lol! Boys probably will never understand the lasting impact the little things they do can have on you. Even now, I struggle so much with trusting people because every time I get close to reciprocating their feelings, I’m so cautious that they‘ll back track and leave me to feel it all alone. I feel as if there’s something wrong with me, why am I not good enough for a relationship? For a while, I constantly compared myself to other girls because I wanted to know what it was they had that I lacked. Do you know how unhealthy that is? Not just in general but for your own self esteem, it can be so damaging. Even if he turnt round tomorrow and had changed his mind, I would say no because too much has happened and I would humiliate myself trying to portray a perfect scenario when it wouldn’t last more than a few months. So Chloe, where on earth do we go from here?
Let me give you the best advice of your life and take it from someone who has been on and off with someone more than you can possibly ever imagine! It is so important when ending things with someone that you have good support around you, that could be family or friends, whoever you feel will help you get through it. It isn’t easy and I would be lying if I said I’ve tried this on many occasions and caved each time but having that support will stop you from making bad decisions and recognising just how special you really are and will be to someone deserving of you :) You have to weigh up the good and the bad to really see how much you’re benefiting from the situation. Most of the time you’ll realise you’re too far gone and better off on your own. You don’t need to be in a permanent relationship with a temporary person, sometimes you outgrow a person and that’s okay. We are still so young and everybody is figuring out who they are at different stages of their lives and you lose some people along that journey.
Always remember just how great you really are, never settle for any less than you deserve and make sure you are always content in yourself. Your own company will be the best company for a long time until you find someone who fits into your life at the right time.
Alexa, play outta time by Bryson Tiller ;)