I’m back! This past few months have been a rollercoaster however, I can honestly say I’m now in the best place I’ve been for a long time. I’m happy, healthy and healing... who would have thought it? Life is so great :)
Life has been very good to me lately; I feel like I’m finally back on track and feeling motivated to really excel myself before the end of the year. My blog will be four years old in March and I feel sad I’ve neglected it a lot over the years… like it’s not the one thing that keeps me sane haha! I have so many exciting things planned to make it even better and eventually, force myself to take up my passion for writing properly… JK Rowling move on over :)
For a long time, I felt so confused about my future, whether that be in my career or in relationships, it has definitely been a time of reflection. I want to be a CEO one day or an author writing so much romance it’s sickening. I didn’t believe in myself before but, being single has given me a new space in my life for spending time with me, to truly know what it is I’m destined for and how I’m going to achieve it. Honestly my confidence recently has been crazy… I’m even going to my local pub which Chloe a year ago would have been physically ill over haha!
Thinking about the future is important however, what I envisioned for myself within the next few years changed massively when I went through my breakup, and it meant having to divert the bigger goals to smaller ones. My main focus was to be 100% comfortable with myself and loving every part of me. I’ve been on my Pilates grind and have become a runner… catch me on my cute hot girl run whilst I listen to the most vulgar music, these calories aren’t going to lose themselves! There is something so calming about having a strict routine to stick to, I have lost over a stone and a half… Marbella body incoming ;)
Over the past year, I seemed to develop some social anxiety and I honestly don’t know where it came from. I used to be a social butterfly, then I ended up hiding at home, reading hundreds of books and binge eating like crazy… it was traumatising haha!
One of the other goals I set myself was to put myself way out of my comfort zone. To some people that’s sky diving or swimming with sharks, to me it’s being at the pub or spending time with people I don’t know. How pathetic haha! I have been doing it though, even if the one time I went, everyone I wanted to avoid seemed to be there. Did I get up and leave? Of course not… I went and sat inside ffs haha! It’s progress though so hype me up a tiny bit. My life has become so busy, I’m in a job I love, booking countless trips with the people I love and surrounding myself with positivity. I’m not made for streets, I’m a lover girl (some would say wife material) personally I would agree. My best friends have been consistent through everything and the ones I can turn to for anything. Without them, I would have been sad for so long but, I can say truthfully now that I feel like a whole new person and I’m proud of me. Shoutout to my angel of a mum who has had to put up with my tears, my mood swings and me performing a sad song concert in my room. She is a strong woman and teaches me how to be the same. I’m in love with being unapologetically myself and I think that is a beautiful thing.
As for embracing single life, it has been a journey lol :) I joined Hinge and Tinder which has done me no favours in finding the love of my life however, if I want to become an influencer, it’s boosting the follows. (step aside Kenza). There is so much more to life than boys and relationships, I can’t wait to travel next year and experience new things on my own. I’m not ready for a relationship anytime soon, and timing wise, I’m going to be single until I’m at least 25 haha! This break up has been awful enough to put me off for a lifetime. When I think about the first few weeks to now being nearly four months out of a relationship, I’ve made a lot of progress. You’re probably thinking how do you measure progress in a breakup, haven’t you already failed haha… I mean I haven’t cried in a few weeks and my playlist has made the drastic switch from Summer Walker to Cardi B so that should explain it.
Rather than spending my nights hoping he would reach out (TikTok tarot readers got me moving delusional), I now spend them with the people that really matter most. I’m still not fully healed and there are times when I find myself reminiscing on things and I miss the person. This is so normal and will probably always happen, it doesn’t mean I miss the relationship, it’s just accepting the change. My coping method isn’t getting with someone new; it’s finding songs to indirect with on my insta story lol. I’ll find my future husband in time but for now, I’ve got two annoying friends who keep me grounded… that will do just fine! This is also the worst time of the year to be single, I can’t stand watching you all pumpkin picking and on your cabin breaks… as a hopeless romantic I’m struggling out here! It’s not even winter wonderland season yet, going to have to go into hibernation haha :)
The next few months are going to be so exciting, celebrating so many things and spending time with the ones I love. I am the happiest I’ve been in the longest time and whatever is meant for me, won’t pass me! I’m now entering my soft girl era, building for my future and making new memories <3
I’m off now until 2024, for now I’m preparing for my single girl Halloween debut xxx