Sometimes in life we make mistakes and change our minds. I know i change mine 24/7, i’m never quite satisfied and any red flag i see, see you later :) Usually i blog about things that have happened to me or that have made me feel a certain way. I thought today i would talk about something quite fitting for me recently and that’s recognising you have some parts in your life that need repairing. Every thing you go through, good or bad, has a knock on effect. Maybe a ride at a theme park has put you off ever going or you went through a bad break up and your scared to start over again. It’s normal and we experience this more often than we realise.
For me, i spent a lot of time working on overcoming past situations that affected me but in the meantime, i didn’t realise just how much mentally i had taken on. I’m the type of person that is very impatient, i can’t just sit and let myself heal, i want to go out and start something new or try a new food (only plain lol). I get so invested in what could be and forget about the reality of what is happening. In this world, we get challenged with hardships and different scenarios that leave us with bad memories which we don’t really forget about. We can move on from it and distract ourselves but when your in a similar position, don’t those memories just come flooding back? Everyone has toxic traits, mine being that i change my mind like the weather and that i let myself react in the moment and then regret my decision when i’ve analysed it a thousand times over. I can’t blame the past for making me this way, i blame myself for not taking the time when i should have to focus on me. I got so wrapped up in other things that i let my feelings build up to the point they couldn’t stand much longer and hit me at once. One piece of advice i would give to anyone who plays the role in their friendship group of not ever expressing their feelings and always being the shoulder to cry on, do so but don’t be afraid to be as vulnerable. Sometimes i feel like i’m very understanding but hardly ever understood but aren’t we all? We can go through similar situations to each other but not every one is the same, but what we can do is support each other and recognise the process of getting to our best selves.
Whenever i start to feel vulnerable, my mind can’t help but take me back to a time where i was before and how badly that ended for me. I find it so difficult to not associate people or relationships with my past. It’s just something i need to work on. The past few weeks i have watched myself be happy, be sad, be excited, i’ve stepped outside my comfort zone and tried new things, made new friends. Everything new but i haven’t done anything to fix the old. I have a trait of mine that seems to stop me from fully allowing myself to put my guard down, even the tiniest bit, not even enough to see over the top, nothing. One tiny thing could happen or be said and my mind will work overtime to find every negative way it could have been portrayed. By not taking time out of my schedule to help myself and better myself mentally, i’ve pushed away people who just maybe, in this scary world, we’re very genuine people. All because i didn’t let myself release every emotion i had felt over the past months. How easy would that have been? Just to cry to a friend or blog about it even? A huge part of me wants to tell you to wake up, be positive and go for walks, eat healthy and drink green smoothies but let’s be realistic, you’ve got to find your coping mechanisms on your own back. Don’t let your past scare you from entering new opportunities because you could miss out on some of the best things. Make the effort to let your mind rest, spend time with yourself and work to tackle the negative parts of you that could have an impact on others.
From a personal perspective i have planned a trip by myself, where i can take my notepad and pen, write away until my hearts content, fill up on cheeseburgers and drown myself in coca cola. A trip to do all the things i feel positive about and for me to really exceed myself and attempt to fight my ever changing mind. Sometimes i just want to apologise to everyone who might have encountered me on a bad day or if i’ve ever made them feel sad or not wanted, some people just aren’t good with being open with their feelings and that’s okay. We are all going through life, each day is very different and you almost never feel the same as the day before. It’s okay to not be okay. If you need space or time, that’s okay too. As much as you can be there for someone else, remember to take that same time and effort and focus it all on yourself.
Enjoy yourself if you go to a new place or you like a new song or a new burger at your favourite restaurant! Remember all of the little things so when you do take time for self reflection, you start to feel a lot happier with yourself and the way your life is going, present and future. you’ve got this, of course you do, have you ever failed before? Keep going, you probably don’t realise how many people are proud of you and appreciate the positive impact you’ve had on them.