When I started this blog over 3 years ago, I was a young girl who got a bit lost navigating this crazy world and needed somewhere to vent, I worked so hard to rebuild myself from that girl into the woman I am today. Now I feel like that girl again, a little confused and starting from scratch. For over two years, it has always been Chloe and someone, whether that be a boyfriend or even a friend, I can’t remember the last time it was just Chloe.
This week I watched the Barbie movie, it was so so good. A beautiful depiction of women and how we feel about our place in the world. Often, I feel like a ‘Barbie’, granted not the Margot Robbie kind with a flawless complexion and a tiny waist lol but, the ‘Barbie’ that advocates for everyone around her, all whilst trying to figure out who she is on her own. If you take away the routine, the love interest and the career, who actually are you? I’ve always been someone who puts others before herself, especially in relationships. I can remember all their achievements, all the things they like, and dislike and I am their biggest supporter through every crazy decision. One thing I can’t remember is when I ever took the time to congratulate myself or give myself the extra push to try something new. I’ve been on autopilot for the past few years, trying to please someone I loved, forgetting the most important person to please is myself.
I miss the old Chloe who loved going out dancing, could read multiple books in the space of a few hours and hated house music but, would request turbo time by Patrick Topping at any available time haha! I miss the career woman I used to be and the crazy amount of ambition I used to have. This new Chloe is so boring, let’s get rid of her lol! Since being single, I have started to adopt my previous favourite things to do again like getting ready for absolutely no reason other than to take pictures and dance in my room or go on 2-hour long walks listening to music. Stuff that is probably still boring to anyone else haha but, my kind of boring.
Being on my own again seemed a little scary at first, I’ve felt every emotion possible, and this has been my first break up ever, so I never expected it to be fun lol… You can’t hate someone you love (it would be easier lol) and I will always be the biggest and best silent supporter of anything they set out to achieve. I’ve seen parts of the world I wouldn’t have seen before; I have the most amazing memories and I have learnt so many things about myself and the woman I have become in the process.
Now I do have some sad news :( This blog was started to slag off the boy I liked at the time who was causing me grief, my friends encouraged me to write about it and post it indirectly, the rest is history. This blog has been an insight into my journey, not just in a relationship but discussing sensitive topics like weight, divorce, cancer and so much more. It has been my safe place for years now however, when time goes by, growing up comes with it. I’m not the same person I was when I started this blog and the topic of many of my blogs (hope he doesn’t claim defamation of character or try copyright them lol) has come to an end.
I have decided to finish my blog here, permanently (unless something comes up haha). You’ve probably all noticed my irregular postings over the years, and I have thought about what I would do when the time comes where this will become more of a chore than actual enjoyment. Now I’m on a different journey, to find out who this new Chloe is and where I will be in the future :)
I am so grateful for the support and kindness from everyone who reads, even if it is to find out the gossip haha! Maybe in the future, I’ll come back to blogging but for now, I need to prioritise myself and enjoy the nitty gritty in between. My blogs will always be up for anyone of you to browse and feel somewhat normal about the way you feel, I know they were a huge help for me at some point.
Thank you to you all x
Now I’m off to get a 1ml of lip filler, a new haircut and a social media break :)