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Love as I wish it to be <3

My blogs seem to have a popular theme, Love and Relationships. This must be from my crazy imagination influenced by the unhealthy amounts of soppy romance I read and watch. Do you ever just find yourself creating fake scenarios in your head? It might as well be a full-time job for me at this point.

Anyone who tells you they do not want a relationship is lying. Who wouldn’t want someone on hand when you’re sad or when you want company? Especially when that person is yours and their attention is all on you. To contradict myself, I am that person. When my friends have talking stages or boyfriends, I insist on telling them a million times over that I do not want a relationship, no matter how cute they look. I think a lot of my friends think I’m crazy! How can the girl whose whole personality is based on romance, not want to be in love? Trust me, I have not got a clue either. Of course, I want someone to love me and want to be around me however, I had such a bad experience with one boy that now I am always confused; this is why I’m so indecisive, it’s a learnt behaviour lol! I’ve never been the clingy type; PDA is not my thing, and I cannot stand bossy boys. By all means be a little bit protective and jealous but if I want to wear a dress that barely covers my bum, who are you to question it? Do you see my dilemma lol? I want a boyfriend without the constant 24/7 surveillance. Before you came along, I was a social butterfly, so let’s keep it that way…

Deep down I know that eventually this whole ‘I love being single’ façade will fade and by that time, I would have resorted all my options lol! My friends know how much I really want to be with someone but they support me on my journey of self love regardless. My biggest fear is making mistakes or being terrible as a girlfriend although, I’ve realised I can only learn to love by loving and if I always shy away from it, how will I ever know? Even though I am content with myself and my own company, I wish sometimes that I might find the right person. Watching all your friends have boyfriends and fall in love can only be nice enough times before you start to think you might be single your whole life lol! There was a time when I thought I might just be in luck with a boy who I spent a lot of time with, turns out we are 100% on different paths and eventually, I will have to say goodbye to that chapter of my life when it no longer serves me a purpose. It is sad knowing that the only boy I have ever been sure about doesn’t know what he wants but I know my worth and anyone who is unsure about you should be kicked to the curb! I used to believe that when two people are meant for each other they will always find their way back together but that is like trying to read the same book multiple times when you know how the story ends. In time I will find someone, and the soppy movie love I always imagined will become my reality. There is always someone for everyone and I am learning that in time, good things come to those who wait.

Love is a dangerous emotion until portrayed correctly and then it is the most beautiful of all. To have someone who is devoted to you and who supports your ambitions is rare but not impossible and that’s my hope that one day, it will be my turn. It might not be the person I thought I wanted or the boy I speak to the most or even a complete stranger but whoever it might be, I hope he at least likes McDonalds as much as I do (deal breaker that lol.) Until that time comes, I am going to keep doing me, with my new haircut and my newfound confidence... I am the happiest I’ve ever been! You cannot love someone if you do not love yourself and on my journey of learning about myself, I might learn about someone else too. Just because love isn’t coming your way right now, does not mean its not coming your way at all!

Work on yourself and vibe alone for a while, someone will come along when you least expect it and love you effortlessly.

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