When you first leave school, you open yourselves up to so many new things. You start to go out more, get a fake ID, drink until you black out and wish you were just that little bit older. So, how do we handle growing up?
One of the biggest things I encountered when I left school was the fact that all my friends were in relationships. I found this difficult as I never really had a serious boyfriend and I was always so shy; I would be too scared to meet new people and open myself up to that possibility. My role in my group was to be the therapist! I attempted to hand out advice without really having been in that situation…. I could cringe now! When your young and with someone, you get so caught up in the moment that you start to think you will eventually get married and have their babies LOL! That was the majority of my friend’s outlook….
Having a boyfriend and starting to get serious can be so daunting. I know from my own experiences that I am literally the worst with boys. My Mum always told me ‘You only get out what you put it’, this is self-explanatory! Last year was a crazy year for me… I got caught up in the disaster that is boys. A boy I thought was genuine, may or may not have forgotten to mature. I always stress to my friends that boys our age are never going to want to be serious and was I right? Of course, LOL! Being vunerable with a boy is so terrifying because you never know their true intentions. My situation was frustrating, it was like being with two different people. When we were together, he gave me the better version of himself however, that quickly switched when he was with his friends. Most of the time, I felt like I wasn’t good enough or he was embarrassed of me but when you like someone, you just push the negative thoughts to one side. One of my biggest regrets is not addressing my feelings when I should have and constantly forgetting my self-worth.
A consequence of bottling up your feelings, is that they come back to eat away at you. Every boy I spoke to after that went terribly wrong… Even the nicest boys were not taking the win :( The biggest eye opener was a boy from my old school, he helped me to see that not everyone is out to hurt me and really brought back the confidence I thought I had lost. Like me, he had not had a serious relationship before and was new to it all. Lucky for me, he wasn’t half bad :) We both didn’t choose to go to college and spent most of our time on TikTok. He gave me the courage to start writing as he knew this was something I was always pondering about; he wanted to attend writers’ conventions with me LOL. Even though I wasn’t the easiest person to handle at times, he gave me chances to improve myself and each time he hoped I would let him in a bit more. You probably already know how this end, girl with trust issues cuts off nice boy… Yep. I think the idea of someone showing me off and wanting to see me willingly compared to what I had previously, scared me and I thought it might have been a joke. I sometimes think about what could have happened, but he told his friends to forget about me LOL:) Heart is broken ahahaha.
Do you know how many people have done the same thing? Way more than I realised at the time, yes it was a me problem, but I am only human, and I am learning so many things growing up. I think I speak on behalf of a lot of girls and boys, that relationships come with so much baggage and emotions that probably aren’t wanted, which makes it so hard to fully invest yourself. After my very confusing and laughable year, I have come out of it with some good advice that I wish I could drill into my friends sometimes…. When you do get into a relationship and you start to feel like you aren’t doing enough or there are others better than you, just remember, self-worth comes from within. You can’t give it to others, and you can’t expect others to give it to you either.
Being with someone is hard but growing up is even harder, that’s why I’m here to take you through my journey :)