The past few weeks I have been at such a low point. I tried to think of a way I could make myself feel better, of course, this blog is my saving grace. This is my way of acknowledging my feelings rather than me convincing myself I’m okay, when clearly I am not :(
Over the past few weeks, I have been so overwhelmed. I have made some big decisions recently including, quitting my job (finally!), rebuilding old relationships with family, and overall, just figuring out how to find myself again. It feels like even though I’m constantly out somewhere surrounded by so many people, I feel like the loneliest person in the world. One of my worst traits is that I always try to remain positive throughout everything hence why you will never catch me discussing my feelings.. I couldn’t think of anything worse! The irony in that is the fact that when it comes to this blog, I am unapologetically honest.
I’m at the point now where I disassociate myself from any situation I’m in. I went to a rave, enjoyed myself and still found any excuse to go home. It was like I was dancing as if that was what I had been programmed to do but I wasn’t really myself doing it, if that makes any sense lol? I’ve stopped doing all my favourite things like writing and going for walks. I find myself staring into space all the time as if my minds always somewhere else. I just can’t seem to find where i fit in anymore. My mental health just needs a bit of tlc, maybe a well needed break. My problem is being an Aquarius, I am so overly ambitious that the tiniest set back throws me off completely and I lose motivation. I’ve taken on too many tasks at once, I just need to take a step back and organise.
It feels weird to accept that I’m not doing the best, especially to random people when I have refrained for the longest time even telling my friends. In this scenario, I just find it easier to handle things on my own or distract myself by going out all the time. Your own mental health is so important, we spend so much time helping others that we forget to give ourselves some time too. It is also so okay for you to admit your struggling. There is no point trying to put yourself back together, especially if you don’t have enough glue on your own, somebody else might be able to help you. I think this year, for me, has been one of the hardest. A lot of the time I don’t deal with things when they happen, I leave them at the back of my mind until one day it all gets too much. Trust me that is the worst thing that you could ever do!
I haven’t really dedicated much time to my blog but I’m hoping for more positive days and getting back on track. There are so many exciting things coming up, that I am going to keep telling myself to revel in my hard work and efforts. I will get back to myself, I know I will! Now for a short break…
Until next time x